Curse the practicality and convienent location of my local Kroger. On my biweekly excursion to the grocery store I intend to roam the halls of HEB, but the extra two miles and throngs of people always daunt me and I break down and head to that building of disorganized clutter and goods, some dare call a grocery store.

This has happened the past two times I've gone grocery shopping, and while some wouldn't care much about it, I happen to hate it.

I look down at my cart, and into my hands holding two large reusable grocery bags, with uncertainty as to whether all of my groceries will fit. I grab a extra smaller bag off the shelf to my left, just in case. I hand the cashier my basket and bags, which he then proceeds to hand to the bagger. ( Side note: I try to always get a teenage boy cashier, for one reason: they are lazy. Have an item without a barcode? Most likely they'll just give it to you, rather than spend the extra time finding the price. Is it moral? ah, we'll decide later.) I pay for my groceries and watch as the girl bags my groceries. ..

With room in two of the three remaining bags, she puts ONE half gallon of milk in a plastic bag. Girl do you not realize I bought an extra bag just so that wouldn't happen?

Psalm 51

Today has been a flood of emotion.

I recieved an email from Chris in Rome, he'll be my go to guy for the trip. Pray for him. I will continue to update you as I recieve his emails. I'll be living in an apartment in Italy, where I will be based with my partner, for part of the trip. My orientation will be in Paris, and debreifing will be in London, tentatively....

As I scanned his email my heart was bursting in my chest. If I hadn't been at work I'll probably would have been jumping up and down... But once I read it more carefully I realized orientation and debriefing where not originally calculated in the length of the trip. I'll be gone for nearly five months, not four. With that news, my heart gained a few pounds...

I also received an email from my partner, Melissa. Sh lives in Austin, which is perfect since i'm there all the time. Pray for her and our relationship.

I like to think of myself as very independent, but toughness aside, I'm going to miss home. Communication is vital for me. But God knew this, and He is gracious. I will have a phone and internet access in my apartment. When I'm not there I will have access to the internet through wireless cafes. So everyone, familiarize yourself with Skype :)

Today, this trip became a reality for me, and emotions are hard to sort at times; but it's these times that I cherish the most. At the foot of the cross...where grace and suffering meet.

"Restore to me the joy of Your salvation, and uphold me by Your generous Spirit. Then I will teach transgressors Your ways, and sinners shall be converted to you. Deliver me from the guilt of bloodshed, O God, The God of my salvation, and my tongue shall sing aloud of Your righteousness." - Ps 51:12-14

Meet Adero

I have a pen pal. She's six years of age and doesn't even speak english. It takes about two months for our letters to get through customs and into the other's hands. It's an unconventional relationship, and having never seen her, an unlikely one.

I've been sponsoring Adero for a little over a year now. I've sent and received a few letters and pictures, even some masterful artwork, but I still find myself wondering, "who is this girl?" And i hate to think, but she knows even less about me.

Sending money isn't enough. One day we will meet and I often think of that day, whether is be on this earth or in heaven above.

One small step for God, one giant leap for me

The weather's been amazing lately. Sometimes I feel like God forgets about our humidity dial, but not this week. Fall is here and it brings with it sweet relief. My heart is aching right now with thoughts of the previous year and the future months in Italy. I turned in my intent to vacate my apartment at the very last minute and with much hesitation. My lease will come to an end on Dec 1 and while I thought of doing a month-to-month lease, the fact of the matter is that I can not afford it. I'm going to try to sub lease for the months of December and January. I'm praying God will provide a place for me.The first three months I hated it here. Not knowing anyone, feeling alone, and annoyed every friday night when the bass turned up and the booze went down... Now I love it. The huge trees that remind of one of my favorite books, Anne of Green Gables, the guy who sits on his porch, plays guitar, and sings in the most awful voice I've ever heard, even the ridiculously tan man who lays by the pool and stares at himself while flexing his muscles....really, whats not to love? Needless to say the past year has been hard, but oh so great. And now that I've finally gotten used to the change that came so abruptly, it's time to move on.

The past week, my mind has been filled with doubt about Italy. I'm nervous about what I will do when I get back. Nervous about quitting my job, and about finding health insurance that I can afford after I get out of school. Nervous about where I will live and what the heck I'll be doing when I get back. What if I hate it, I'm stuck there for four months no matter what.

I'm afraid of uncertainty and that's why I am here... at this point... in my life. So I will learn to not lean on my own understanding, but to step out in faith in the One who made me, who sustains me.


On a side note, pray for my amazing friend Michelle who is appling to be a journey for the International Mission Board. I haven't talked to her lately, but she has been on my heart a lot.